“If I’m going to be alone, I’d rather be by myself.”
It’s all about him!
He refuses to be responsible or accountable. He does not want to deal with issues in your relationship. If one comes up, he dumps it back on you and walks away.
He loves the romance, the attention, admiration, adoration, promise of ideal love (who doesn’t?!), and the hope that he has found the one who will tolerate all his weirdness without question.
When you begin to question him, differ with him, or make demands, his weirdness escalates. He resorts to manipulation to get you to stop bringing his issues to the forefront. He blames you. It is your fault. You are too demanding! You don’t accept him as he is!
The narcissist is stuck in the terminal boyhood stage. He does not want to grow up and be accountable. He wants constant attention and admiration without having to invest anything more than the initial time it took to woo you.
Playing with Peter Pan can be a magical experience—one that you don’t forget. It can be intense, passionate, sexy, and romantic. But you are destined to live in never-never land, which means you will never have anything real or true. It is all only make believe.
Once you have been wooed and won, he’s done. He stops investing in your relationship. He has groomed you to be a constant source of admiration, attention, sex, affection, and nurturing. It’s a one-way street—his way!
In healthy relationships, there comes a time when the honeymoon ends and the real communication–dealing with issues, concerns and commitments–begins. You are able to work with each other.
- Consider the others needs
- Let go of the need to be right in favor of having true communication, accountability, and responsibility
- Are able to take concerns to the other partner and be heard.
Underneath it all, the narcissist—whether a man or a woman—cannot enter into a place of mature love. He is immature, self-centered, and needy. He is looking for unconditional love but is unwilling to give it.
Eventually one of two things often happens. Either he gets bored with you because you no longer challenge him, or you get fed up with his behavior and start making demands for yourself.
The bottom line is that, if he is not willing or able to change, then he is unable to truly give you what you want, need, and deserve: a whole, healthy relationship. So whether you leave or the narcissist leaves, don’t despair! Dare!
Dare to love the narcissist, even after it is over. Dare to love others. Compassion is a practice. If your love was real, then honor that and embrace it. This means you are able to love in a deep and honest way.
If you tell yourself that you loved him and he loved you to the best of his ability, you can finally make peace with it all and let him go to be with the one he loves the most—himself!
Download the Narcissist Checklist!